As you grew up you looked to others to validate your decisions. This is a large piece of how self-esteem is developed. By the ages of 7 or 8, the manner in which your parents validated and spoke to you about your decision-making ability locked in those confident or insecure feelings about your capacity to make your own decisions.
If there was praise for your ability to process and make good choices, you felt more confident. Even when making incorrect decisions (if your parents, teachers, older siblings or any other influential adult in your life had the ability to communicate in a good manner in this area), you would continue to build confidence. Speaking to you in a non-judgmental, gentle and guiding manner allows you to still feel comfortable that you could learn to make good choices for yourself.
But if your feedback was very negative, condemning, judgmental, abusive or belittling in any way from those influential figures in your life, it created an emotional black hole where you would instantly go when you had to make a decision. You never trusted that you could possibly know what was best for yourself and always looked to others for approval and validation. This process dangerously left your self-esteem in the hands of others!
If any of this sounds familiar to you, you know why you are where you are in life on this topic. If you would like some guidance on climbing out of this black hole, feel free to shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, and we’ll decide together the best strategy to use to change those feelings and allow you to be the confident, self-assured person that you truly are!