As I wrote in my last post, the first past-life regression I ever did turned out to be the pivotal force in writing my book, “Stepping Into My Happiest Lifetime.” This is Chapter I, written by my former client over 20 years ago. I will be sharing my chapter I that is the therapist viewpoint tomorrow!
“Courage”…..A Very Dark Color
My therapy did not start with past life regressions; in fact, reincarnation was not even mentioned for several months. What I needed to figure out, with Petey’s guidance, was what was I going to do to find the joy that was lacking in my life? Who or what controlled my life? Obviously I felt I did. I was a self-supporting single Mom with a good professional career, nice looking, and a bubbly personality.
So why was I always unhappy and continuously sabotaging relationships?
Finally I realized my abuser, from the first encounter at age five, had controlled my whole life with guilt. No one carries more guilt about every aspect of their lives than an abused child. Later I became familiar with another emotion…anger; one I didn’t care to deal with. Sexually abused survivors do not realize that guilt can be a cover up for a much stronger emotion…anger.
During one session Petey asked me if I could face my abuser and confront him? (I had tried writing a letter, which was never mailed, and it did not help. Some people can assuage their guilt and anger by simply putting it on paper even if the letter is never mailed.) Anyway, my answer to her question was absolutely not! I could never do that to myself or my family, Petey’s next approach was asking me how I felt about talking with my sister. Could I perhaps gain some validation from her to help me get rid of that awful weight of guilt I was carrying? I had previously discussed the sexual abuse with my sister while I was in the hospital and she and her husband flatly refused to believe me. They insisted there was something else emotionally wrong with me. The meeting with them ended in my tears and anger and my not wanting to discuss it with them again. Three years had passed since then and after several sessions with Petey, I decided to reach out to my sister. It was a disaster…I called her on the phone and received total denial from her. She was kind and did not want to upset me (ha) but was adamant in stating that I evidently was exposed to too any books, too much TV , lived in too big a city, etc., etc. along with more reasons for my emotional upset. I hung up depressed and feeling even more guilt.
About one month later I left my Wednesday afternoon session with Petey and bought a plane ticket. I was on my way to confront the demon that had controlled my entire forty-five years of life. It took more courage than anything I had ever done. The outcome was no show of emotion by him, only a statement that if he did do anything it was unintentional and an apology. It was enough for me; I was VALIDATED! The relief was tremendous. I came back home and went to my next therapy session thinking my work was done….well, at least only a few more sessions to process what I’d been through.