This next technique is to change the feeling words you express to grab the attention of those people you want to really hear what you’re saying.
Tip #9: Good Feeling Words
When I work with a client either in counseling or coaching, I always ask them to express how they’re feeling about something. I often hear the very same words over and over again. There seems to be a basic list of feeling words that people use. I am happy, angry, afraid or sad.
These are good words to express their feelings, but unfortunately these are the same words that others have heard their whole lives! After a while the words happy, angry, afraid or sad don’t even communicate the depth or breadth of your feeling anymore. It’s almost as if people’s ears become desensitized to these feeling words.
So as we’re sitting in session, I’ll hand them a new feeling word sheet of nearly 200 words from these four areas. If we’re Skyping or on the phone, I email them the list. The result is always the same! People are amazed at how descriptive these feeling words are no matter if they’re 15 or 50 years old! I particularly love to do this when I’m doing couple counseling because each person gets immediate feedback when they begin to use these new words with each other.
I’ll hand each partner a sheet of feeling words and ask them to use a few of these words to describe whatever situation has come up for the week. All of a sudden you can see the flash and look of understanding as a feeling of new awareness and perception are expressed.
Here are a couple examples:
• Instead of saying, “I felt angry when you said, _____.” They can use the words, “I felt annoyed, ruffled, harassed, irritated, resentful, contemptuous, disgusted, burned-up or enraged when you said, ______.”
• Instead of saying, “I felt afraid of _________.” You can say, “I felt startled, uneasy, tense, anxious, nervous, worried, apprehensive, alarmed, threatened, shaken, terrified, dread, or jittery of _________.”
• Instead of saying, “I felt sad about ________.” You can say, “I felt discontented, blue, gloomy, ignored, distressed, drained, disappointed, bewildered, regretful, burdened or hopeless about __________.”
• Instead of saying, “I felt happy when you said, ________.” You can say, “I felt pleased, cheerful, optimistic, relaxed, delighted, tickled, excited, joyful, sparkling, elated, radiant, or alive when you said, __________.”
How much better would you be understood and heard if you used these words? Try some of these today and see how differently you feel when you communicate.
Join me tomorrow for Tip #10 to create change in your life: The Art of Letting Go and Forgiveness!
New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira